MISTAKE MACHINE

It’s always me who did the bad thing. It’s me who had the wrong idea of doing stuffs. Catcall. I’ the one with the bad attitude, the one with rotten cons, the one who always says, “ako na lang pirme may sala!”
I never hated my parents for always granting me the upsetting comments I hear every time I make a mistake. I can’t blame them for giving birth to a child who’s as clumsy as a cripple with a brain that works like that of a ten year old. I’m not exaggerating things up, I’m just wondering why am I made this way. I think like a child but I do well in school, I have a body of a grown teenager but I work like an immature shit, and I’m very much sure I have my own point of view, it’s just that, it’s not the same as that of those people surrounding me. Making mistakes isn’t such a big deal, right? I mean, it’s okay to commit them if only not intended or there’s a special and considerable excuse. But me? Oh, heck! I’m a mistake machine, I bring them out every time I move, most of the time unconsciously. I really hate myself for being such a shit – head. [not that I’m insulting my self too much.]
Well, just because I’m lazy and I hate doing chores, it doesn’t mean that I should be punished. Hearing the same old record everyday from my mother’s chops makes me want to dig out my grave and stay there until hell freezes. I know I’m wrong, I break rules and I prefer to follow my own approaches rather than to follow what they say.
Maybe the reason for all of this is because I don’t want to correct myself whenever I realize I’m wrong, I still stand with my own insight. I think like I’m better than my parents and I’m the one who comprehends everything. It’s just that sometimes, I feel like I shouldn’t just shut up, that I should talk balk instead. I feel like I’m right and they’re wrong. Stubborn is the word I guess. Still, I’m lucky to have parents who understand me despite of my rough and obdurate behavior.
I guess I’m just an undeveloped creature that needs more time to grow for it to become a better being. Perhaps, I’m just confused. It’s not always that I’m right and act as if I know and understand a lot of things. I’m still young, lots of flaws still happen and it won’t stop until I, the mistake machine, learns how to stop constructing them.

Green.. Green.. Green..

The urge just won’t stop, would it? [haha..] This world is full of pornography that even big and branded persons get hit. It just won’t stop. Prostitutions, Call girls, White slave trafficking, Escort service, what else?
Noticed the news these days? Heard the radios lately? I know you all know. Besides the startling topic about the influenza a(h1n1) virus, the subject between Katrina Halili and Hayden Kho still ranks the most up-to-date today. They hide in shame yet the public seems to be very much open regarding it. [duh, they care nothing of it so screw them if they get bummed.] Anyway, let’s go back. So, there’s this very sensitive and censored sex video posted on the net, passed to every mobile phone, pirated from one cd to another, gossiped by the mob hearing comments and lavish opinions. What else is new? It just happens that it occurred on notorious persons in the industry of glamour and fame. Thousands of individuals are involved in this kind of problem, the exposure of how they make love. These things are supposed to be private and kept between their selves. It shouldn’t be rendered to the civic. Shameful as it is mostly to those who have names in the bulletins, news papers, and seen on televisions.
One side says they didn’t know there was a hidden camera ready to catch everything on tape, the other hand says they were sorry and they didn’t mean to spread and let everyone see the act. Hiss them. Who cares? Nothing will happen if we keep on talking and blabbering about this stupid, soon – to – be – forgotten thing. Somewhat, somehow, I know they’ve learned a big lesson they will never forget until they disappear in this world. Like all the other people in this planet, we all have moments and disregards that will never be erased in the corners and borders of their minds.
I know I’m in no position to rant about this nasty stuff. I’m no goody – goody. I’m not perfect. I think green sometimes and I admit I saw porn scenes a few times. [I know you’ve seen one too. Haha. :)) ]


Everybody makes mistakes, everybody has those days! – Miley Cyrus

SO MUCH FOR THE DRAMA

“Nagsawa daw xa” That’s what he said. Well, I can’t help but think why. Is it me? Or is it him who has a problem? I really don’t know. Anyway, my love life sucks…for now.
Excuses are the best ways boys have to let go, anything that will not or in anyway hurt a girl. Yeah, it’s damn right stupid but that’s the way many of them roll, or at least go. Sometimes I wish my boyfriend was gay, at least he would understand how it’s like to be a girl waiting for his insensitive, masculine fling – partner to be aware of what she feels. It was very easy for him to let go, he got fed up. I can’t blame him for that, it’s just that, I was thinking maybe, just maybe, if he’s serious and sincere enough with the “something” we had, two months and two weeks wouldn’t be a bug. Urgh! Damn I was stupid! Dumb enough to be a plaything. Well, love is a game, and I’m pretty sure I loss.
Usually, girls do the break ups, but in my case, the thug did it. He actually said the best of the best excuse he thought of to break up with me. But then, it didn’t work. He was honest though, he said it’s unfair for the both of us to keep on going with our relationship crashing like a plane. Yesterday, he believed he love me, the next day he said it died naturally. What about the next morning? Will he love me again? What a crap, right? I’m not a toy he can play with anytime he wants! I’m a girl with human emotions for crying out loud! Yes, it’s tacky but it’s pretty obvious what I say s true.
I thank him though; he was one heck of a guy. He’s mysterious enough to kill a fly. Anyway, he gets tired of doing things easily, unsatisfied, immature. Maybe that’s why in a way, I was unlucky to have him. He told me before about him being fed up straightforwardly when it comes to girlfriends but I didn’t mind, I thought maybe there’s a side where he’s different (that’s the part I hated so bad, being so irrational), so I took the risk.
Well, too bad it didn’t work. He told me he was drained, it wasn’t my fault, that it was his loss, and we could still be friends (lame-o, suck-o). What a love freak, maybe one day he’ll fall down and realize what a terrible mistake he did, not just to me, but to all the ladies he left single.
One day, I’m gonna get over him. Way, way over him. I do hope it’s soon enough before he gets back and do his thing…again. I told some of my friends to warn and lock me up in a cage if ever it happens once more, I don’t want to find myself hanging on a lousy, dreadful bridge I dared to cross. Next time, I would definitely listen to what my “associates” say, more to what my heart screeches out. Being single isn’t so bad, not at all (that’s what they say when their hearts get broken).
Well, let’s give a toast and a round of applause to the tweak that had the courage to rip my heart apart and leave me a very big question mark on my forehead. Anyway, he explained me everything, I told him I understand him and I have no question at all (well, that’s just so I can hide the ‘pain’) he said his dejected sorry and off he went. Wow! Am I pathetic or what?
I probably should mention my opinion about this concern right? Anyway, it’s actually my friend’s love thing, not mine. [you really thought it was mine though, didn’t you? lol ((: ]
Anyways, I don’t understand why my unnamed “friend” feels so mad about this chap he told me about. It’s so obvious she’s still in love with him and she’s just looking for a way to escape her affection for for him so she can move on and find the light, blah, blah, blah. She keeps on bragging about how stupid the guy is or how much bitterness he brought her but somehow, it’s not the guy’s fault he fell out of love. It’s not always that we can tie up the one we love to ourselves, sometimes, letting go is much better for the both of you, mostly when there’s no point of going on, you know it’s gonna hurt, but only for a little while. Maybe he’s not the guy for you, and you’re as well not the girl for him. But then, I can’t charge my friend for hating that man, the break up was so horrid, she became so cold. I don’t know what really happened. Oh well, so much for the drama. It’s is so overrated.

It’s all in the Mind

People always find ways just to fit in, just to look good in every one else’s eyes… Why do they have to do that? I mean, we can only live once and why not use every single minute to know ourselves more instead of being a person your not just to stay on the safe side.
We’re not perfect, that’s definitely true. To think of it, this gives a lot of people the reason to make mistakes over and over again even though they know how to cut it out. Everyone living in this almost hell – formed planet can be driven and drowned into all kinds of pretentious acts. You may not know that the person standing at your back might not be what you expected that creature to be.
There are a lot of ways you can show your self up, it’s either you want to join a group and discover your “inner identity” or hang out with your self and wait for your true color to come out. You don’t have to impress the crowd, you don’t need to be applauded and get praised up, you just got to be your self and the people around you will understand the true you. No pretends, no masks, double – personalities, or whatsoever.
I admit, I sometimes cling on to the right and secured side just so I can stay out of trouble. Maybe, that’s the main reason why many are still hiding in their own shells. They are afraid to cross the safety line just so they can make their names clean and clear. They don’t know how to stand up for their selves and loudly shout what they really feel. It’s not like you should break the rules to prove you’re good at something or you should go wild to show everyone who’s the boss.
My point for this little thing, showing up doesn’t need to be rough, just be you. Make – believes are just funny ways so we can not be who we really are. We are just anxious to let somebody see who we are because we are scared to be rejected. We pretend not to be us because that’s the safest way we have, staying on the same lane everyone’s trying to cross. Maybe, the real reason why we pretend is because we want to be accepted and stand on the good and better side of the wall. Well, all I can say is, it’s all in the mind, what we think is what we say, and what we say is what we should do.
Every action we take creates a domino effect to every corresponding matter that lies ahead of us. But the real deal is, we have our own way of thinking, our own perception, own sight, own view of life. So it’s really up to us how we judge and value other factors in our existence, either a living being or a simple craze.

Just Because You’re In Love

The strongest conviction of every lover in this world is that no matter how colossal or gigantic the hindrance amid their relationships is that they don’t let anyone get in between them, they care less about what people may think about them, they don’t mind.
Parents are the biggest block for almost every love affair in high school. They try to hide their secrets, their love letters, etcetera, and etcetera. They don’t like to show what they feel about their crushes or suitors or whatever they call them. Most of them probably hide what their true emotions are to their parents. Some are scared they might be told off by their moms and dads ‘bout having a commitment while studying.
You might argue with your parents whenever they’d find out you have a love thing going on. You might fight for what you feel just because you’re in love, and even though they told you to stop the madness, you’d still go on. You just might.
It’s not wrong to fight for what you think will make you happy, but always consider the consequences whatever decision you might take. But don’t be scared in taking the risk for making a difference, it’s not always that you have to play safe and hide from reality, you also have to commit and face responsibilities on your own.
Our parents are just concerned about us. They know more than we do. We might not see that they care for us but they really do. Just because they banned you from having a boyfriend or girlfriend doesn’t mean they don’t think of what you feel. It’s just that they have to secure you from any consequences you might take when you find your self in the middle of unawareness.
We don’t love because we need to, we love because we want to because that’s what makes us happy. No mater how they tell us to stop the crazy idea and to do what’s best, we always find excuses just to follow our heart. Cheesy as it is but it’s true. We may understand what our parents think for us but in the end, there’s always something that will pull us in to the world of fanatical love. It will always be a part of the youth’s life. For those who have experienced young love, I know they understand how it feels to have someone, or to lose someone in one way or another. Fight for it, give it up, no matter what you do, at least remember that just because you’re in love, you have thought of foolish, silly, and babyish thoughts.

HAPPY or SAD?

Life is hard, it could get you to the bottom of the earth’s core, it can take you to heaven or hell, it can even take you to the scariest place you’ve ever imagined. Life’s unexplainable, it’s natural yet questionable.
They say, life is our existence in the physical world, the period where we earthlings are alive. But me, I consider my life as death these past few days, stress, pressure, adversities, everything, if life feels so good for the others, for me, it was like swimming in the lakes of fire. I know I’m a bit of exaggerating things but that’s how it feels, that’s how I endure the occurrences.
It feels so terrible thinking that the weight of the world is on your shoulders, it feels like SHIT. But then, I consider it as a challenge in my life, that it’ll pass right through and everything’s gonna be okay in the end.
Thinking of your problems doesn’t seem to be worth at all, it doesn’t seem like it should be deliberated. I thought, why think of it when you could just escape and hide? When you could just begin with something new?
But then, I considered…problems are part of our lives. Sometimes, it may seem to be impossible to resolve, but there’s always a key to every locked door, there’s always a map to every lost treasure, there’s a right chord for every song.
It’s quite unexplainable, life is spent ones, it can never be repeated, but then, why is it so hard to live? Why is it so complicated? Are we the ones making our lives miserable and intricate? Or are there other forces around? All I know is, life should be kept well, learn to enjoy it no matter how disgusted you are or how exhausted you are. Because life is also a matter of choice, you could either be happy or sad.

I just want to be a FOLLOWER

Being the head of the class or something life-size is a hard thing – high expectations, commitments, responsibilities, their dependence, it’s all yours. Exhausting, definitely a heavy cargo.
Just like working in a ship, you can’t command something without the permission of your captain, or in a battle, can’t move unless the general orders you to do so, or even in school, you can’t do activities unless approved by the director. But what if you’re the chief? The peak of your own mountain? The highly respected one? It’s a one hundred percent hell.
I hate deciding for others, I hate leading, I hate being the one who responds to problems and stuffs like that. I just want to be what they call a member, associate, part, and the likes. I just want to be one of those who listen to the person blabbering in front; I just want to be a follower, a good follower that is.
“Leadership is my passion.” I said that once. But now, I realized, being a leader doesn’t fit me. I started hating it because of the serious weight I need to carry and keep up. Bearing the burden seems to be uneasy, even though you get used to it, it still wouldn’t be the thing you will want in the end. Even though you want to do and continue what you’ve started, time will come that you’ll be hating it, time will come you’ll have to judge what you think and what you feel, time changes everything, even time itself and one day you’ll say “I just want to be a follower.”